What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - AKA. Goodbye 2009

I am not sad to say "goodbye" to 2009. Although I have been very blessed in many ways this year (good grades, have my old job back, Jeff and I are truckin' along, etc.) I have also had a really rough time emotionally. A lot of it I didn't really talk about (which is why I made this blog private - so I can fill you all in), but I feel like the things that emotionally or physically got me down this year will be inspiration for me to do great next year.

I had a lot of problems with school this year. Granted, my grades were great (4.0 this semester), but there was a lot of stress surrounding registering for class and taking the classes I need to take. Because of the California budget cuts, less classes were/are offered, and for some reason that is out of my hands (that I personally think is a conspiracy) I have a very late registration date. Those two things prevented me from taking classes that I needed to take which were pre-requisite classes, and because I had already planned on taking them at certain times (and assuming that I would be able to register for my needed classes) I was told by my employer (Dr. B) that I wouldn't be able to continue working there. So - last semester, I was taking classes that I didn't really want to take, that weren't pre-requisites for anything, and didn't really challenge me at all...And I was unemployed. Eventually I became self-employed and worked as a lifestyle educator (which was cool) for a couple CRAZY and weird doctors (which was not very cool). It was a very negative time in my life - sure I was making good money, but I wasn't happy. I was happy whenever I would help out at my old work (at Dr. B's office). When he finally found out that I was working for another doctor, he asked me to come back and work for him (which is where I have been since mid November). It has been nice being back at Dr. B's office, and I have been doing more and more lifestyle education through his office, and less front office work, which I like. I feel like now, communication is more open about my needs and my plans for school. I don't really deal with change or the unknown. This was a very rough time for me.

Another thing that was really tough on me this year was the passing of one of my best friends, Rebecca. She passed away in September after loosing a battle with addiction. We had been friends since we were 8, and did a lot of theater together. In high school, me her and my friend Chris were the three amigos and always hanging out and having adventures together. After high school, we still hung out a lot. She did the show that Jeff and I met in and befriended Jeff when I was too chicken to talk to him. She was the one who brought us together and Jeff and I hung out with her a whole bunch over the last 5 years. She dated one of Jeff's best friends at the time, Jessie. She was someone who I could talk to for hours and hours and just laugh and have a good time. A little bit before Jeff and I got married, our lives went different directions. She started taking prescription pain medications recreationally and was hanging out with a bad crowd (which is the reason why she was MIA at our wedding). That progressed to the point of being admitted into rehab. When she got out, Jeff and I were there for her. Then her phone got turned off and we lost contact again. Just a couple weeks before she passed away, she was back living in a sober group home, trying to get better. Two weeks before she passed away, she and her mom ran into my mom at church. My mom gave her my phone number and Rebecca called me a couple nights later. We talked for almost two hours and made plans to watch the piles of videos we had from the years of doing theatre together. She also was going to accompany me to Jeff's show that Friday night. Things got busy that week, and I didn't get a chance to call her until Friday morning. She said she was tired and wasn't in a good mood, so she didn't want to go to the show, but she said she would probably change her mind later and asked that I call her later before I left for the show. I didn't. The next day, I got a call from her mom telling me that Rebecca had died. It was without a doubt the most heartbreaking news I had ever heard. I had dealt with my great grandma and grandfather dying before - both of whom i was very close with. But this was a completely different experience. It was tramatic and shocking. This was someone that I shared SO many intimate moments with and someone who knew things about me (and vice versa) that no one ever would know. There are millions of memories I have with her, and I think about her every day, and I cry about losing her almost every day. For the last couple months, I have been going through the grieving process. In late September was her memorial service and November (on her birthday) was when I met with her family and my friend Chris to spread her ashes. Both of those events were very interesting... I could probably write a book about both of those events (maybe I will...)

Rebecca and me at a Softlightes show in 2006

Chris, Mike (our director), me and Rebecca in 2002 - "Graduating" from Junior Theatre's Confetti

Me and Rebecca backstage Junior Theatre in 2000.

Through dealing with this, I have renewed my friendship with Chris, (the other member of the trio). I have also been trying harder to keep my friendships with other people alive. Losing someone close to you really makes you realize how special the relationships in your life are. I sometimes get so involved in my own little world that I don't spend time with my friends or family...not even a call to say "hey how's it going..." I really am going to change that this year. 2010 is going to be my year where I renew and keep alive my friendships. I also am going to make an effort to go out and visit my brother in Louisiana and talk to him more. I can talk to him for hours and hours. He is really the only other person on earth who gets me and gets my sense of humor (he has seen the same movies as me, grew up with the same parents and have the same inside jokes). Now that he is in the military, I don't see or talk to him nearly as much as I did before. It is sad. I miss him.

I really feel like 2010 is going to be a good year. I am going to graduate next fall, and hopefully we will buy a place between now and then. I am going to be doing more "PLC" at my work (aka. lifestyle education) and will be able to work more hours on the weekend/early morning to bring in more money. Hopefully I will be able to do a show this year (I am trying out for three early this year - but unfortunately, because of everything going on in my life right now, I won't do the show unless I get a good part). I will definitely let you all know by February if I am doing any shows. I have been practicing a lot lately, and am getting my vocal cords in good condition again.

Here is a list of some things I would like to do in 2010 (and I won't call them resolutions, because if I do - then I will break them):

• Visit my brother and his wife in Louisiana
• Spend more time with my mom, dad and grandma
• Be a really great wife and a good daughter and a best friend
  
• Apply for some scholarships through school
• Run a marathon
• Buy a house
• Graduate college
• Go to Disneyland a couple times
• Go on a trip outside of the U.S.
• Do a musical
• Take more pictures
• Spend more money on clothes

Here's to 2010!!